Some thoughts on science and scripture

The following are my thoughts/notes/literally plagiarism regarding science and scripture/faith:

In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. - Genesis 1:1

God created a place for himself to dwell: heaven and earth. He put humans into that construct as a way of reflecting His love into that world and drawing out the praise and glory from the world back to Himself.

The deist point of view is that there is a God that created the universe and stepped away. Current day American-culture Christian theology appears to take another step and says that God created the universe and he intervenes when needed - this is known as transcendence. Original monotheistic Jewish theology didn't put a line between supernatural and natural - God was in everything, this is known as immanence. You couldn't talk about God intervening because you can't intervene in something you're doing, and God was doing it all.

While all views are able to align scientific theories and biblical theologies, the third provides Christians with a seemingly logical approach without creating the rather dangerous-to-faith "God of the gaps" theology that Christian apologetics so often turn to. God of the gaps essentially assumes the truth of science but explains the gaps in our scientific knowledge by essentially saying "We'll never know, God did it."

The problem with the "God of the gaps" theology, to paraphrase Charles Alfred Coulson, is that the gaps have the unpreventable habit of shrinking. And to quote the famous astrophysicist Neil deGrasse Tyson, "If that's how you want to invoke your evidence for god, then god is an ever-receding pocket of scientific ignorance that's getting smaller and smaller and smaller as time goes on."

Our god is so much more than that. Our god is immanent.

Issues between science and Christian theology don't exist in saying "We don't understand that, God did it." It does, however, exist if Christians are so content with that answer that they no longer have curiosity about how things work. And that's dangerous, because we not only stop learning about the world that God created but we become alienated from those who continue learning about the world (thus taking ourselves out of the world as scripture told us not to). We create a bubble of if-then statements about God: If God exists, then x cannot be true (and, conversely, if x is true, God cannot exist). And if we leave our bubble and learn that x is true, our faith is shattered because we based our faith on empirical evidence being true or false. If God does not intervene but is instead already involved in everything, then it is irrelevant whether x is true or false because we have based our faith in God and not in our opinion of the scientific controversy of the time (tides, geocentric vs heliocentric, evolution, etc.).

Science doesn't necessarily challenge the authority of scripture. Both science and scripture have to be true. If Science is true and scripture is not, then as Paul says in 1 Corinthians 15:19, "If only for this life we have hope in Christ, we are of all people most to be pitied." If scripture is true but science is not, then we need an explanation for why we can sense and test truths that aren't true: did God create such a deceptive reality? I don't believe that sort of God is the God evidenced in scripture.

Naturally, science of this age could be wrong. Maybe science and scripture don't match up because our current understanding isn't a full understanding yet. This is entirely possible but knowing that some science isn't perfect isn't an excuse to denounce all science and refer back to the "God of the gaps".

Finally, when all else fails and science and faith are having a particularly hard time aligning in my head, I remember that science need not challenge the authority of scripture but instead may be challenging my interpretation of scripture. What method of interpretation do I use in the case of each individual passage, and does it align with what is known about the universe?

Maybe, as the Wall Street Journal recent claimed, "Science Increasingly Makes the Case for God". And maybe science is helping us interpret scripture in the way God intended. Shouldn't both science and scripture be leading us closer to the truth of our universe?

I'm sure people smarter than me would have much to say about this concept, and maybe would say that my faith should be in scripture alone (including whatever interpretation I choose) and should not be affected by science. Or maybe they'd say by doing this I'm prone to reading meaning into the bible (eisegesis) instead of out of the bible (exegesis). Dunno. But I'd be curious to hear. Cheers.

Stuck- Posted on Behalf of Karen Spear

Hi all my name is Karen Spear ive lived in Beverly my entire life. God has been with me since 1993 He has provided me with so much and I just can't thank Him enough for what He has tought me. I've grow more in love with Him everyday.Getting up really early in the morning and reading His word just brings so much pease to my day. Now ive become very stuck in my walk with Him im not sure what im suppose to do now. There are so many thing's that are in my head that I want to do but I can't money is the main factor. My thoughts are this. I want to go back to school, I want to move out, I want my mom to sell her house so that she can have money to do things that she needs to do, I want to find a full time job in my field of education, I want to leave my part time job, Sometimes when I go to netcast I feel like everyone is moving on and im left behind. Like people are finding boyfriend's people are getting engaged and people are getting married, and people are having baby's. Just how selfish am I thinking about all those things about netcast that I love so much. All I need to with all of this is continue to pray for guidence. Thank you all for listening. Karen

Christ In You (A response to last week's sermon)

For me, the hardest part about being a Christian is understanding​ how much responsibility we have to flee from sin when coupled with the understanding that Jesus has already won against sin and death.

If Jesus won, why does it matter what we do? Was my roommate right? Can we just snort cocaine, have sex, and get drunk every Thursday, Friday, and Saturday as long as we “believe in God”?

We’re called to be a part of a community, to be accountable, to tithe and to place our hearts in the right places. We’re called to love our neighbor, and to love our enemy. Do things right and you’ll go to church every Sunday, be a volunteer, be a part of a community group, read the Bible every day, pray several times a day, listen to Christian worship music, and listen to sermons uploaded from all around the United States. It’s exhausting. Why is it necessary?

It’s not.

Christ lived a perfect life and died for us. While those things might be a sign of the health-state of your soul, they’re not requirements. In fact, many are quite cultural despite being based off of biblical principles. “Going to church” isn’t the important part (we ARE the church, it’s not something we go to). “Community groups”, I’m guessing, are something we made up because “going to church” became impersonal. “Christian worship music”… don’t get me started.

I’m not sure if you’ve noticed, but so far none of the above has had anything to do with the sermon. Here’s where it ties in. The sermon was about Christ in us, and the death of our old self.

Romans 6:3-6 (KVJ) says:

“Know ye not, that so many of us as were baptized into Jesus Christ were baptized into his death? Therefore we are buried with him by baptism into death: that like as Christ was raised up from the dead by the glory of the Father, even so we also should walk in newness of life. For if we have been planted together in the likeness of his death, we shall be also in the likeness of his resurrection: Knowing this, that our old man is crucified with him, that the body of sin might be destroyed, that henceforth we should not serve sin.”

The above verses make it so clear to me that avoiding sin isn’t about earning God’s love or trying to avoid God’s wrath or in feeling the weight of responding in thankfulness to God’s love. We can never repay God or be thankful enough to God and no amount of not sinning is ever going to make us even.

Avoiding sin just means you get it. That you understand the message. And believing in God, understanding the message, and accepting the message: that’s what’s important. That’s the gospel. That's it.

Oh, and even when you get it, you’re going to fall short. You’re going to sin and you’re going to have times when you struggle with what you thought you knew. In these moments, surrender to God. He will take it from there.

(I quote it often, but here it is again: Proverbs 3:6 (NIV) says "In all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight".)

The Spirit of God and Baptism

I don’t have a lot of time and my back hurts (as it has for the last year) and I need to get up at 4:45AM and this is going to be in rant format just like it would if I was talking to you. So just picture me yelling it and being way too excited again :). I just have to write this down now because if I don’t write it down now I probably never will.

Life is freakin’ awesome. And I don't mean just my life in its current circumstances, even though it is. I wake up every day and my mind is totally blown, man. Think about this: if you’re a Christian, which if you’re reading this then you probably are, the spirit of God lives in you. Take away all the baggage associated with that phrase. Forget about church and Sunday school for a second. Just think about this: there is an all-powerful God. Now that word is over-used too, but really think about it: ALL POWERFUL. He CREATED the universe, and the trees, and water, and you, and me, and sound, and light, and everything you love and everything you hate and everything that’s just okay. He created stickiness and spiciness and speed and wind and writing and language and wormholes.

Now let’s go back to the premise: the spirit of God IS. IN. YOU. How freakin’ cool is that? Like, the all powerful creator of the universe has placed a part of Himself within you, and influences you, and loves you, and has plans for you. He communicates with you, and wants you to communicate with Him. He wants you to feel His love and to love others as He loves you. He’s constantly pushing you to grow and to grow closer to Him. Nothing can stand in your way because He’s by your side. Life will suck sometimes, but he’ll be here with you, and in the end you’ll look back and realize why those parts had to suck. Just think about that! Your current stresses will be something you look at and go “Ohh, yeah, well that was purposeful! And I needed it!”.

In the end, we get to meet God face to face. And it’s going to be awesome.

Yo, I get to be baptized on Sunday. I can’t freaking wait. I’m nervous, honestly, but I wanna show ya’ll (yeah, I said it, what of it? Come at me bro) my love for God, and that I’ve accepted His love and His forgiveness and that I’m thankful to Him. I want to demonstrate my submission to His will, and I want it to be real, and I want you to know that it’s real. And then I want to share it with others. How could I not?

Amen (so be it).

in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. (Proverbs 3:6)

Confessions

Your community group leader does not have it all together.  And I try very hard to not let all these things I deal with get in the way of me loving others or loving God, but sometimes, I just feel incredibly worn down and defeated.

Lately, things have been especially difficult.  I've had issues with anxiety and depression for as long as I can remember.  I began self-harming in high school.  It was never that severe, but still always present.  I didn't think the cutting was much of an issue, one of those "I can quit any time I want" mentalities, until I did stop.  I gave up cutting for lent one year and immediately replaced it with not eating.  I needed to do something to feel like I was in control.

Kevin was one of the few people who knew this was an issue.  When I'd joined the drama ministry he co-led, I presented to everyone that I had previously struggled with cutting.  That I had overcome it but I wanted to speak to teenagers about it, help them to overcome it and support their friends.  But soon Kevin knew I was lying, I was just saying what I wished was true.  And through his support as my best friend, I was able to stop for the most part.  I wasn't able to stop because of a respect for myself, because since it was never severe enough to do any lasting damage, I couldn't grasp what the big deal was.  But I could see that it broke his heart any time my arm had fresh marks, so I stopped at of a respect and love for him.

I was able to go two years without cutting myself.  There were occasional stressful moments where I would pinch my arm or take showers that were too hot, but for the most part, the physical damage had stopped.  My senior year of college, I had my own room and didn't leave it for several days.  I survived on a diet of granola bars and slim jims.  After one dramatic disagreement with Kevin, I cut myself again.  This was only months after getting birds tattooed on my back based on Matthew 6:26, celebrating the 2 years of beating my addiction to self harm.  I felt like a failure, completely defeated.

Things got better.  My roommate made me come out of my room and cooked me real meals, Kevin and I mended our issues and I didn't hurt myself again.  But the anxiety and the grey cloud of depression and the desire to hurt myself were always there. 

When I was single, it was easier to deal with.  I could stay in bed for as long as I wanted, I could take multiple showers a day which helped me deal with the anxiety, I could skip meals until I started feeling like myself again.  But getting married, Kevin knew my behavior wasn't healthy.  He knew the amount of sleep I needed every day, which I attribute to my frequent nightmares, was not normal.  He knew my lack of energy was not normal.  He wouldn't let me skip meals or stay in bed all day.  He wanted me to be better.

The hardest part of having him want me to get better was that it meant that I had to admit something was wrong and that it could be fixed.  I'd tried before, tried getting better sleeping habits, tried anti-depressants and I had just settled in to the idea that this was my lot in life.  This was who I was.  I will always have to fight the desire to hurt myself, I will always have to make myself get out of bed when there is a weight on my chest pushing me down.  There was nothing I could do.

But Kevin is convinced there is.  And lately things have been worse.  I've felt more tired and I see myself starting the little habits the lead to self-harm.  Turning up the shower as hot as I can bear, holding my wrist next to a hot tea cup for a few moments, little things.  And I am so tired of fighting this battle.  I'm so tired of feeling sick with anxiety but not being able to find a thing wrong.  I am so sick of having nothing sound more appealing than sleep.  And I am so sick of not being the wife that Kevin deserves.

I know God's been with me through all of this.  God's the only reason I'm still alive, the only reason I have hope and the only reason I get to enjoy happiness.  But Kevin has finally talked me in to seeing a professional, after my latest efforts at taking an anti-anxiety medication gave no real results, and we'll see where that leads.  And I'm hoping it helps and I'm hoping if it doesn't I don't get too discouraged because I am just so worn out.

Please pray for me, guys.  You're truly my family and I love you all.  Like a lot.  And this all sounds more dramatic than I want it to, but I'm just so used to all this crap that it doesn't feel like a big deal.  It just feels like its my life.  So just pray that it doesn't have to be anymore.

Valentine’s Day

 

Happy Valentine’s Day everyone. I wanted to write something today about love and marriage. My love and my marriage. I thought to write a bit about the history of Valentine’s day but quite frankly there seems to be so much to it that I decided not to touch upon it as it has little to do with what is on my mind.

As Valentines day approached this year I reminded myself not to be disappointed if Rob didn’t suddenly become the most romantic guy in the world. To not be upset if my day was not similar to what I grew up watching on soap operas. Breakfast in bed, a single long stem red rose on the tray, beautiful jewelry wrapped neatly in a tiny box, kisses and champagne with dinner at a swanky country club. This is the image I had in my mind when I was younger about what love would look like. I thought love would always be quiet, always kind, always romantic. This is not how it is and this is a problem. It is a problem because what I created in my mind will never be, it is not how life is. I wanted to say that I have set the bar too high, but that’s not quite right, the bar should be high, but it’s more that I associate love with fictional romantic tales. Maybe I need to see the romance in the fact that I have known Rob for 20 years and that we loved each other in high school and later came back together in a Romeo and Juliette kind of way. There were a lot of factors that could have kept us apart but our love was strong and finally we got married. I finally married the love of my life. But when the shit hits the fan from time to time and our imperfections and sinful nature shows it ugly face I want out for a moment, then I remember I fell in love over and over with this guy before and I will fall in love with him again. Rob is my husband, he can not be everything to me, he can not make everyday of my life better or easier, he can not make me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world every second of every day. Actually, he can make me feel worse than anyone, he knows my weaknesses and can strike hard at times. But I do the same. I know just where it will hurt him the most. This is something I pray about recently, I ask God to help me bite my tongue when I feel my only choice is to pick my husband apart, when I am so hurt I want to hurt him. I sometimes feel that Rob does not love me, because if he did, of course, things would be different, there would be romance and flowers everyday, he would rescue me from my hard day. But of course this is not true, he loves me and maybe the romance will come in time.

The other day I was annoyed. Annoyed with the highs and lows and the frequency of the lows. Life is hard. Raising children in hard, owning a house is hard, being a stay at home mom is hard - all these things are also incredible blessings but that does not mean they are simple. My relationship with my family of origin, with my kids, with my in-laws, friendships-old and new, commitments to church, to community, it’s all so hard when it all comes at once, like when you are standing in the ocean right where the waves are crashing. It’s just plain old hard to stay standing strong. I know, I know, I am lucky to be here living in this wonderful country-food, heat, shelter, all my creature comforts-however, in my life, my reality, the days can be hard. And when Rob walks through the door and doesn’t see my hard day I am immediately sad. When my time and my life don’t seem as valuable as his I am mad. His life is hard too though, I just forget sometimes. I talk to God while in my car, or in the shower, asking for strength to be better at it all, more patient, more loving, more forgiving and yet thanking Him for my blessings, and thanking Him for my journey and being thankful that, although I need to improve, to grow, to learn, I am still okay. Created in His image I am okay and He loves me. And God wants us to LOVE each other. And I do love Rob and he does love me. Valentine’s day might suggest I need a box of chocolates or flowers or dinner out to show me that I am loved, but I know, with or with-out those things, my husband is committed to me, he is loyal and he thinks I am beautiful, he loves me despite my imperfections and I love him, I am loyally committed to him, I think he is beautiful and I love him despite his imperfections. Today is just another day to love my husband and love God. I am home with my kids as I am every other day, and Rob is working. The sky is gray, the ground wet, the air cold, the romance meter down but I am still someone’s Valentine. Thank you Lord for this day, for my children and my husband, thank you for love.

Love you all too.

Krissy

True Confessions of a Shopaholic - Kind Of

I love shopping. Most people don't think of me as a shopaholic - maybe because I tend to avoid malls . . . but more likely because I am kind of cheap. I would rather schlep around a laundry basket on a daily basis than spend hundreds of dollars on a handbag. Aside from finding the sometimes-vapid, often middle/high-school-demographic mall atmosphere off-putting, there's something about shopping that I really enjoy. I tend to slowly pick my way through stores. What appeals to me so much is the combination of being unhurried and also the social-but-antisocial quality of it all. At the end of a teaching day, well . . .

I guess, by the end of the day, I'm a big fan of being around people but not actually dealing with them.

SO, when I'm not shopping at second-hand/consignment stores (like I said, thrifty is my middle name), I deal with my typical love for "shop therapy" by doing the one somewhat-justifiable kind of shopping; I grocery shop. I mean, we all have to do it, right?

Except, for some reason when Matt first challenged us all to give something up, this was one of the first things that came to mind. So, instead of giving up certain foods, I gave up shopping for food and started trying to minimize other activities that let me off the hook from doing something meaningful with my time. I've been really convicted through this "fast". The tired pursuit of mindlessness, whether its walking through a grocery store or vegging out to several episodes of a TV show, is something that God's really been working on in me over the past 2 & 1/2 weeks. He is revealing to me how often I look to his creation to soothe myself at the end of a long day, rather than looking to him to replenish my energy and renew my spirit.

Today I started reading Jeremiah during my journaling/reading time, and when I got to chapter 2, verses 11(ish)-13, I was really floored.

I hate it when I read a passage and I'm just like Israel in my screw-ups! Reading this, I feel like God is really showing me how fruitless it is to pursue anything other than his glory. When I do the little relaxing things at the end of the day, they're not inherently bad or anything, but I am doing them to the detriment of my time with God, and so I'm minimizing the astounding glory of God; I'm trying to dig myself a well that can never hold any water to replenish me. Not only do I forsake God to spend my time elsewhere, but then I look to those activities I am choosing as something that should fulfill me when they never could.

I don't know if anyone else has been thinking along these lines, but I am becoming more aware of how easy it is to slip into idolatry in even the smallest or most essential of things when I use it for solace instead of resting in God. I am praying that God guides me, and all of us, to the rest and the life that are really only found in him.

~Abby

Excerpt from "A Year of Living Biblically" by A.J. Jacobs

This is one of my favorite books and with all the extra time we've been setting aside for prayer these past few weeks, I thought this was a relevant passage

-Ryn



I have my head bowed and my eyes closed. I’m trying to pray, but my mind is wandering. I can’t settle it down. It wanders over to an Esquire article I just wrote. It wasn’t half bad, I think to myself. I like that turn of phrase in the first paragraph.

And then I am hit with a realization. Andd hit is the right word- it felt like a punch to my stomach. Here I am prideful about creating an article in a midsize American magazine. But God- if He exists- He created the world. He created flamingos and supernovas and geysers and beetles and the stones for these steps I’m sitting on.

"Praise the Lord." I say out loud.

I’d always found the praising-God parts of the Bible and my prayer books awkward. The sentences about the all-powerful, almighty, all-knowing, the host of hosts, He who has greatness beyond our comprehension. I’m not used to talking like that. It’s so over the top. I’m used to understatement and hedging and irony. And why would God need to be praised in the first place? God shouldn’t be insecure. He’s the ultimate being.

Now I can sort of see why. It’s not for him. It’s for us. It takes you out of yourself and your prideful little brain.

-From "The Year of Living Biblically" by A.J. Jacobs

Focusing on God, Not the Fast

So This happened earlier this week, and I thought about putting it this blog, but i was on the fence, but with the sermon that was preached today I felt it was really important to share this with you guys. 

Earlier in the week Caleb stopped by my office to talk, he was having some tough times staying on his fast, and it was really weighing on him. He also mentioned that he was having a tough time not filling up his new free time with other useless pursuits, instead of focusing on God. 

I could understand exactly what he was going through, I myself have been having a really tough time with that. I would give up playing games, or watching tv, only to read a frivolous book that was fun to read, but not doing anything with my relationship with God. 

We talked about it and came up with this: Whenever I would be tempted to do something frivolous, or Caleb would be tempted to break his fast, we would let ourselves do it, with no condemnation or judging. However, FIRST we would have to spend some time with the Lord, praying and reading the bible. Once we had spent time with God, we could break fast, in one way or another. 

I feel like this is acceptable, especially thinking about today's sermon Dan Byrd gave us. For those of you not there or have forgotten, Dan was reading in Isaiah 58:1-13. In that section Isaiah condemned the people of God, for they were fasting and doing everything they thought they needed to do according to the letter of the law, but their hearts were in the wrong place. They were doing it for their own glory, or to coerce God into giving them something they desired. God returned to them saying "Behold,  you fast for contention and strife and to strike with a wicked fist. you do not fast like you do today to make your  voice heard on high." 

He then goes on to talk about what a Godly fast is, and it details out living a christian, charitable, life, walking in Jesus' shoes. I think we should all take a step back for a moment and remember to stop thinking so hard about the fast, and whether or not we're doing it 'right.' Instead, we should make sure the purpose of the fast - To bring ourselves closer to God in our daily lives- is really the center of attention. After that, whether or not you adhere to every rule and timeline set in place for your fast doesn't really matter. 

Now, I do want to say something else; I dont think this means that you should use prayer and  bible reading as an excuse to break your fast. Don't be like "Oh i really want to watch the latest Bachelor... I think I'll just read a quick chapter of the bible and say "Our Father" and then get to it!" I'm hoping for myself and Caleb, that when we decide to spend time in the word and prayer, our desire to break our fast leaves us, and we can continue onward. It's just that if you're going to break your fast ANYWAY. Spend some time with the Lord first. 

That's all. Feel free to call be a heretic if you feel different. Those are my thoughts about it. 

Kev

Home and Stuff - Caleb

I should preface this by saying that a lot of what I'm writing about hasn't come out of the fast as much as it has been something that's been on my mind for a while now. I'm having a hard time figuring out what exactly to put into this, so I apologize if it seems disoriented or if it seems like there's something missing.

So I'm pretty sure everyone in the community group knows by now that I grew up in Taiwan. I moved when I was only a few months old, and except Kindergarten, 5th grade, 10th grade, and a few summers, spent every year there for a total of about fifteen years. While I was there, I went to American school and made a lot of friends who spoke Chinese, meaning I never actually had to speak Chinese myself and kind of went into autopilot in my beginner Chinese classes (I know, I'm pathetic). I feel so blessed to have grown up there and all of the experiences that came with it and I definitely wouldn't trade it for another.

That's the long story short. Jump to, I arrive at Gordon my Freshmen year. I go through a transitional funk for my first semester or so but by Sophomore year, I had developed enough of an identity at Gordon that I could explain to people who I was. I'm a Comm Arts Major, I do film stuff, I get involved with Theatre. There's not as much awkwardness in talking about my major and choice of work as there can be when the first thing I have to do is explain to someone that I grew up in Taiwan and all that entails. So while I still found a lot of my identity in having grown up overseas and being a TCK (Third Culture Kid - a person who was raised in culture different than their parents) I was able to relate more immediately to the people around me. 

Over the summer and into my Junior year, I got even more comfortable in my surroundings and it actually got a lot easier to talk about being "from Taiwan". Everything just began to feel a little more natural. I became a Christian somewhere in the middle of this last April and was attending Netcast pretty frequently. Over the summer I had an internship with the mission my parents were part of and I felt even more connected with my past than I had before.

For my most recent winter break, I went back to Taiwan for three weeks. I got to see pretty much my whole family again, my brother and his family who I hadn't really seen in three years, my sister, my parents. I got to eat a lot of the food that I really loved and missed a lot here in the States and got to enjoy the prices as well (a full meal and a drink for $2, seriously, it's the best). I went back to my old high school and saw my old dorm parents, Uncle Steve and Aunt Penny, who had basically raised me for my Junior and Senior year and who I love very dearly. I even presented one of my short films to my teacher who had been kind of responsible for me getting into film in the first place.

And while, it was good to see the sights, eat the food, enjoy the weather that I had grown up with, I couldn't seem to shake the overwhelming feeling that I had become a stranger in a place that I had considered home for my entire life. For 21 years, I found a large part of my identity in Taiwan, and quite frankly, that's just not true anymore. Honestly, I felt like a tourist a lot of the times. Walking around my old high school was one of the most unsettling things I've experienced and I don't really have a desire to go back to Taiwan which is incredibly odd for me to admit. I'm the most homeless that I've been in my entire life and honestly, and it's both an incredibly hard but also very freeing time for it to hit.

So where do I find my home? To some extent, it's the routine and places that I begin to habit after having been here for a while. Walking around campus, coffee shops, the Gordon Comm Arts Lab, things like that. But more importantly, it's the people and the relationships I've made in the last two and half years. The fact that I have friends that I can be completely honest about who I am creates a sense of home for me more than any place ever will and I think part of me didn't want to admit that before. Not because I don't love and appreciate the people that I have in my life, but because I wanted to believe that there would always be some place that I could go back to and be at peace because I was "home". I don't know if I'll ever feel that way. 'Home' is kind of like moments throughout my day where I'm able to connect with others in an honest way. It's weird and hard to explain and not exactly a constant in my life which can be frustrating and is going to be something that takes me a while to figure out.

The question that comes out of all of this for me then is "Where SHOULD I find my home?" The good Sunday school answer that I feel like I should be able to say is with God and Heaven, but I've found it incredibly hard to find solace in that answer. Mainly because of how much I am currently struggling with my faith and belief in God at the moment. Matt issued out challenge a the beginning of the year to give Netcast and God one year where you just give yourself over to Him, and that if at the end of a year you still don't feel connected to God or that you're "distant" in your relationship... well, I'll figure out what happens when and if I get there. 

I'll try to end this on a little bit of a lighter note. I remember when I first started coming to the community more regularly last year, I felt kind of distant and an outsider for a while. I told myself I needed to give it some more time and so, I did. This last Monday, as we were wrapping up, just sitting and chatting for a little bit, I had one of those moments that felt kind of like home. It just felt really comfortable to be there with everyone. The openness and honesty that our community group has is a really encouraging part of my life and I'm thankful to be a part of it.

Feeling of Disquiet - Kevin

So this isn't a big thing at all, just something that's been kinda bugging me lately. As you guys know Ryn and My fast is happening in different stages of severity- This week has been the food fast until 5, and a semi tech fast: We are allowing community style games, like me playing online with my friends, or if Ryn and I wanted to play a video game together, but all single player games are out. Next week the food fast is going to last all day and I will hopefully not even turn on my computer all week for any reason.

What's bugging me is I am handling the tech fast stuff fairly well, all websites I usually spend hours on, the social media, the lack of video games, I'm not really feeling the loss. As a result I feel like I'm not doing enough, like im cheating somehow, or I didn't pick a hard enough fast. I dunno. I just feel like I should be doing more.

Now, is this just me being crazy, or is it God convicting me? or maybe a spiritual attack, making me feel bad even though I am sacrificing this stuff? I don't know how to handle this feeling I have. What do you guys think?

-Kevin

21 Day Fast: Day 5- Krissy

    It is Thursday, day 5 of our 21 day fast.  I decided to give up something that, not everyday but often enough, I look forward to having after a long day - a glass of wine (or two).   It is a habit, something I enjoy, something though that gets in the way of me spending time with God.  After a glass of wine, I don’t feel better, I don’t feel worse, I’ve really added nothing to myself but a temporary feeling of relief.  But I like wine, I like the taste, I like the smell, I like the how the first sips feel in my head, I don’t like to be drunk, I never aim for drunkenness so I assure myself that it’s just fine.  But is it? or does it make me a mom of four who has problems that I like to dull with a glass of wine.  I don’t want to have problems,  I want to be one of the godly women mentioned in church.  And as much as I know that drinking a bit of wine does not mean I have  problems, or make me less of a Christian, I know in my heart that some days it pulls me away from God not closer.   

This is also something I was hesitant to talk about because I was afraid of the whisper of “well no wonder she lost her license."  That is another story though, something that now that it’s said and done, I’m more able to

reflect upon and see it was something God intended for me to experience. 

Anyway, on to my fast that has less to do with the wine I am not drinking and more to do with what I am doing.  I am reading, I am spending time looking at myself in a more honest way,  looking to Jesus,  learning more and more that I, too, am worthy of His love.  

Matt emailed out a list of suggested books, I bought a few for my ipad and am very much enjoying the first one I chose to read, “The Emotionally Healthy Woman” by Geri Scazzaro.  Chapter One, “Quit Being Afraid of What Others Think.”  Well I would have thought that I don’t really care what others think, I have always marched to the beat of my own drummer.  I dropped out of college, not once but twice.  I got divorced.  I remarried.  I have four children.  FOUR, and I’m always afraid to tell anyone I need help because it was a choice that I didn’t have to make, and I expect that if I admit I’m struggling I will get “well what did you think it would be like?”  What I’ve discovered this week is that  I do care what people think and I do care how people perceive me.   I want to look like I have my shit together, I want people to think that I’m a good mom, a good wife, a good daughter, a good Christian, a good housekeeper, a good driver. I’m terrified of someone telling me I’m a terrible mother, it’s where I put all my time and effort.  So sometimes when my kids act up in public my discipline is not about discipling their behavior but disciplining them for making me look less than.  And for that in itself I feel less than okay.

The very first chapter of this book has told me I need to stop needing the approval of others and I didn’t realize what that even meant until now.  So I turn to God this week and ask Him to help me be a better mom to the children that He has entrusted me to raise.  

Here is a bit from the book:

“Relying on the approval of others for our sense of self-worth is a direct contradiction of biblical truth.  Our “okayness”---that is, our lovability, our sense of being good enough--ultimately must come not from others but from two foundational realities:

We are made in God’s image. Being made in God’s image means we have inherent worth.  We are sacred treasures, infinitely valuable as human beings apart from anything we do.

We have a new identity in Christ.  When we begin a relationship with Christ, we find our new identity in him.  We now rely on Jesus’ sinless record for our relationship with God.  We are lovable, “okay,” and good enough because of Christ.  There is nothing left to prove.”

So with all this I’ve been able to see where in my life I do care what people think, and I need to pray on this and and know that even when  I am not receiving the approval from others I am still okay.  Jesus loves me and knows where I struggle and where I’ve tried so hard but still fallen short.  Being a mom there is so much that trickles down from this very need for validation from others. I need to work on this first and foremost in my life.   Somedays I’ve set such high standards for myself or my kids and when things don’t go as planned and no one acknowledged my efforts I can become everything I don’t want to be as a mom.  I’ve looked to my kids and said “what is wrong with you today?”  when really I am asking myself that question but they don’t understand that.  On those days I feel I’ve failed somewhere based on something, most likely unimportant, going wrong.  I become bitter and sad and feel defeated.  Everything but okay.  But from this day on I will try to look to Jesus in these moments, not look to my kids and fault them, not look to the clock and hope it’s 5pm and time to make dinner (wink, wink- time to have a glass of wine) not be angry at my husband because he was complimented on his work today yet as always I wasn’t.  God knows me, He knows my struggles, my shortcomings, my efforts.  He loves me and I am okay.  

-Krissy

Sarcasm and Submission

Hello Everyone! Welcome to our newly founded blog. I'm personally very excited about the opportunity this creates, and I hope you all are too.

When we were meeting this past Monday Melissa mentioned how encouraging it would be sharing our thoughts, struggles, and victories. That really resonated with me, and I thought it would be an awesome and powerful tool to have a resource where we, as a community group, could talk, vent, question, and share our experiences with one another.

I am hoping this blog will be that tool, and that we all will have the opportunity to read, respond and even post to this blog anything that's happening with us, or on our minds and in our hearts as we progress through this time of fasting.

I think a blog is our best format for this kind of forum because we can write lengthy posts- posts that would be cumbersome to read AND write in text message format! However this would also be a great place to post quick encouragements, cries out for help, or links to resources and books that we think would be encouraging to others/where really powerful to us.

So please, take some time, consider what this blog can do for you, but also how you could possibly use it to encourage others. Sometimes just hearing someone share a story of grace, or reading about how you were struggling in a situation and made it through, can really encourage another person. So if you think you don't have much to offer this, think again. You never know what little thing written could be used by God to help someone through a tough time in their life.

If you aren't comfortable or familiar with blogs in general, dont let that stop you! please email me(kmgrant11@gmail.com) or ryn (ryngrant12@gmail.com) and we will be thrilled to post something for you!

Thank you all for being an awesome group of people. Even on the Monday's when I am super grumpy and hate everything, you guys bring me out of my funk and I leave with a better attitude and a smile on my face. Leading this group has been one of the best and most rewarding experiences of my life. Please email me if you have ANY questions about the blog, or concerns. Anything at all really, I'd love to hear from you!

Your slightly ramble-y community group leader,
Kevin